Sugar Binge!!!

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I totally binged!  I've blown a week of moderation in the last 24 hours.  I have eaten about 15 homemade chocolate chip cookies! I feel like crap and I can't fall asleep because of all the dang sugar I have consumed!!!  All I can think about is I really, really hope I am asleep at this time tomorrow night. 

Sure, I'm blaming the cookie binge on being awake. In all honesty, I think my head was racing, too.  See, I went to my first group session tonight.  Two hours sitting in a room with a few strangers sharing our stories, our progresses and setbacks.  At first, I wasn't sure I even wanted to be there. I had been asked to join the group a few times, but was very adamant when I first began alcohol counseling that I was NOT a group kinda sharing person.  I finally realized that I needed to share with others like me. I quickly felt comfortable enough (thank goodness for the new anxiety meds).  Here's the thing, alcohol addicts come in all forms.  It doesn't matter what it is, but all of us have something to share that has put us where we are today.

I left the session, truly thankful for where I am.  I am proud of accomplishing more than 110 days without even a slip.  I have learned better coping skills, not just in not drinking, but taking my meds regularly and talking to my husband and friends honestly.  I am actually reading the Bible.  My emotional roller coasters are shorter and my sleeping is starting to improve (well...not tonight). You know what though.  6 months ago if I was up this late I would have been drunk, trying to sober up or texting someone because I didn't like myself and needed help.    

I'm still not anywhere close to where I want to be. I have trouble committing to anything over the weekends because, quite honestly, most of my friends are going to bars or each others houses to go drink and socialize.  I never know until that moment if I can handle it.  I get upset that others can enjoy alcohol without it being a problem for them. I worry about my future.  I worry that my kids may one day pick up a drink and like it and so on.  I also, know to stop myself now, because it is another day and that's all I need my goal to be. Another day....

Oh and I think I'm gonna go back to my group next week :)