I hate having dreams, as if I'm still heavily drinking, screwing up my life. Just about every night for the last three weeks, I have dreamt that I'm still a drunk wrecking havoc on everything and everyone around me. I've hid booze from my family, chugged beer when they're not looking. Been yelled at and turned away by loved ones. My boss even told me that I have been a screw up for years and he's just "buying time."
Waking up, I am relieved it was just a dream. The devil is working overtime on me right now. He knows my stress level is high, that I'm working everyday, and dealing with family illness. He knows I want to stay sober and is trying to find that little crack to squeeze into my life. He wants me to give in to the way I used to be. He thinks I am weak.
Little does he know, I may not be as strong as I want to be, but putting these dreams together, as only dreams, is a great reminder to me of exactly how I will not deal with stress. I will not drink, I will not fuck up my job and family!
Little does he know my relationship with God is becoming stronger. I am thanking God for giving me the strength to deal with the stress and the "tools" to just ride the wave. The rough times will pass. I end each day thanking God for another sober day and helping me with any temptation that came my way.
Does the devil know that it is hard for me to be present no matter the day or stress? Hell yeah. Does he know I wish I could drink like others just to distress? Hell yeah. Does he know I'm not capable of just one drink? Hell yeah.
But I know all this, too. I will continue to live sober, learn new ways of coping with stress and be the best I can be, sober. I am doing the work and will wake up tomorrow knowing if I dream of drinking, it's just a dream!
The devil will learn that his reminders only remind me that I have come a long way and do not want to go back to the pain of life a year ago.
So.. Thank you God for being stronger than the devil.
