Turn this heater off!!!

So seriously need to vent!  I am sitting under the heater at the salon getting color added for the first time in a loooong time and I so have a desire to just go chill with a beer. I hate this inner voice telling me to just do it and see how I feel. My anxiety is ampted under this thing. I'm feeling claustrophobic and just want to relax. It's a gorgeous day out and I could sit out on the patio of a favorite bar and grill and enjoy a cold beer. Damn it sounds so awesome right now!!! I hate this thing!!!

Then there's the logical thought of why after 250 plus days would I want to and what would it really lead to? I so wanna believe it wouldn't lead to relapse. Hell it would be relapse in some people's eyes. Could I stop at one or two and not do it again? Can't I just have one sip? Why don't I crave soda or anything else like this? I've been doing awesome with cravings and then BAM!  

Alright there's my vent! I want a drink and will romantasize about having one until this damn heater stops!!! After that I will pray I like the color chosen cuz I don't think I could fake it tonight if I don't!! 

It's been awhile since I've written. I've missed venting and writing about my life some, but life is definitely running away from me. This last week has been hell. I believe more than ever that I was meant to have over six months sobriety before my oldest left for college. If I hadn't, I'm pretty sure I would have relapsed by now. 

Man, how hard it is to stay strong when your kid is struggling. I just want to take these obstacles away from her. The school experience itself is wonderful, other girls, not so much. I am so incredibly drained. I am trying so damn hard to stay calm and not panic or cause more anxiety for her. No one deserves to be treated the way my girl has in the first month of school, not by new friends, but roommates. If only these mean girls could see that she may be different then many her age, but treat her with respect and she will give you the world. Unfortunately, bullying must be a common trait of others her age. A year ago, I would have drank myself to oblivion trying to run from the pain of hearing my daughter being treated so unfairly. 

This kid seriously doesn't have a bad bone in her body. All she desires is to be able to share a room with a roommate who respects her space and understands what compromise is. If I could I would be there right now telling these roommates to grow up. 

Momma bear wants to save my little cub. She is trying so hard to handle it herself, but admitted to me that she is starting to feel really anxious. I so so hope and pray that the next 24 hours finds a solution and my daughter ends up happy with the situation. 

To those girls who have no idea how to be kind, you have failed at being a descent human being and carma may be a bitch. To my daughter, I cannot be more proud of how you have handled the situation with continued kindness and in staying calm when I would be so tempted to tell them off. You are an amazing person with the biggest heart! Things will work out! 

Had to vent before I blow up!!