Happy Hour?

Today was an interesting day. I went from feeling proud of myself celebrating 15 weeks of sobriety to being irritated listening to friends talk about their "good times" being out Friday night in the bars. 

I allowed the irritation to continue to eat at me. See, my husband was one of the friends talking of having had a "fun" Friday night. Happy Hour that continued until 1030 that, then turned into drinking water at the bar for the next two-three hours so he could drive home safely. I didn't think I was bothered at first, but when he got to sleep in until 930ish then took a nap after lunch, I couldn't take it. I had to exercise a little, but then I had to share with him how I was feeling. 

I was irritated more than anything that this was his first time tying one on since I had become sober. Sure he had drank, but not that much. It bothered me at first he was with all his co-workers (mostly young females) at one of our favorite hangouts. Then I reminded myself that I chose not to go. I knew it would be too hard. I had a quiet night that I enjoyed very much with the kids. I didn't have the hangover. That was something I needed to embrace. 

The conversation we had though needed to be had. I needed to let him know how I felt about him enjoying alcohol and how I was feeling with my sobriety.  I really didn't expect the conversation to take the turn that it did. Long story short. I was offered the opportunity to try a drink tonight and I said no. Yup, as we discussed how I felt about most everyone around me still being drinkers and the parts of it I was missing. My husband flat out asked me if I would like to try a drink now. I said no. I explained that I didn't want to without him joining me. 

Here's the thing, though. Through the evening I thought about it more and I don't want to throw out what I have worked for when it comes right down to it. I've asked the kids what they think and they don't really say. My husband "hopes" I can again. I began to realize through our conversation and reflecting upon it afterwards that I just may be beginning to believe in my sobriety as the better life to lead. 

Sometimes this is truly the hardest choice I have made in my life, but I need to remember all the reasons why. 

I rode out another wave.